Do you feel misunderstood, go through bitter self-recrimination, confused about how you feel, how to cope with life challenges or distracted? Occasionally, we feel sad and display lack of energy or vigour however being able to gain a deep understanding of the reasons behind the distress enables us to regulate our mood. The awareness allows us to remedy our feelings either through finding a solution or adopting a restorative method.
The problem arises when unknown anxiety, procrastination, fear or an undigested disturbing experience pushes us to nihilism. When we lack the capacity to identify an accurate reason for the lingering inner conflicts, we tend to gravitate towards the negative path. This complication prevents us to gain insight into what has triggered our despair, anxiety or any other impaired emotions. This is when self-help stops working and you need a confidante, someone who patiently and supportively listens.
When your own efforts and resources are ineffective and you are blindly steering the wheel, it’s time to establish a personal interaction that acts as a catalyst. A professional who can improve your wellbeing and resolve your worrisome behaviours and thoughts.
On this account, to learn more about how to deal with self-criticism, not to take offence, and develop a growth mindset, I had the opportunity to interview Krista Roesler M.A. RP, a registered psychotherapist and a professionally trained life coach at Psych Company located in Toronto:
Jupilings: Please tell us about your background and areas of expertise-
KW: I am a registered psychotherapist and a life coach. I have a masters degree in psychology and life coaching training from the Adler Institute/the University of Toronto. I work with individuals and couples on a wide range of issues from finding purpose in life and achieving dreams and goals to dealing with more severe mental health issues such as addiction, trauma, depression, etc. Please see the website for a more detailed list: www.psychcompany.com
Jupilings: In the context of living a meaningful & a mindful life, how can we distinguish between who we should be and whom we want to be-
KR: In the context of living a meaningful & a mindful life you can distinguish between who we should be and who we want to be by getting familiar with our values or what is really important us. Start by writing a list of all the things you feel like you should do, have to do, feel obligated to do or others told you to do. Now cross off everything you don’t want to do. Now start a 2nd list and of the things you actually want to do and try to get more of that in your life.
Jupilings: How to deal with self-criticism-
KR: One way to deal with self-criticism is to first become really aware of it by writing it down. Next, separate your self-criticism from your own voice. Tell your self that just because you are thinking these thoughts it doesn’t mean any of them are true. Explore and think about where the thoughts originated. Did you have a critical parent? Next, think about what you really need to hear to feel empowered? Do you need to hear that you can do it? Do you need to hear that you are smart enough or good enough?
Jupilings: How to become braver in life-
KR: You can become braver in life by trying and doing things that are out of your comfort zone or that you didn’t think you could. This will help build your confidence.
Jupilings: How not to take things personally-
KR: You can stop taking things personally by recognizing that it’s usually about someone else’s issues and not you. These issues might be that someone might have a bad day or be under stress for example.
Ask yourself if they are like this with everyone? If they are like this with others than it is not personal.
Be curious and wonder why that person might behave that way? If it’s a bully. Were they bullied at some point in their life and now bully others? Is it someone who is shy and that’s why they have trouble with eye contact, responding, talking? When you can try to understand why someone behaves a certain way you can free yourself from taking it personally.
Jupilings: What are your 5 golden tips to help us develop a growth mindset-
- View all obstacles/challenges/criticism as a learning opportunity
- Embrace imperfection, mistakes and failure
- Enjoy the process of getting there and don’t hyper-focus on the end result
- Learn from the mistakes of others
- If you haven’t mastered something yet, allow time to practice and improvement.
Jupilings: We do negotiate with ourselves and others each and every day, what are the necessary traits that need to be nurtured to help us negotiate from a position of strength-
KR: Non-judging is one of the attitudinal foundations of mindfulness. Any tips or practice that will support our efforts to adopt a non-judgemental attitude.
A tip that will support our efforts to adopt a non-judgement attitude is to be more compassionate with yourself and others. A good way to do this is to think of someone you deeply care about and want to protect such as your child or best friend. Now ask yourself if you would ever say those thoughts to your best friend or child. If you wouldn’t think about what you would say to them instead and say that to yourself.
Jupilings: “If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool”. What are your tips to deal with our lack of understanding and to stay calm in unpleasant situations or being annoyed by people’s behaviours-
KR: A tip is to try to have empathy and to try to put yourself into that person’s shoes. Become curious about what made that person act or think that way. Remember we are all doing the best we can with where we are. Remind yourself of all the times in the past that you didn’t know any better and also acted like a “fool.”
Jupilings: How do you deal with setbacks-
KR: Setbacks are a normal part of life. I expect setbacks to happen. I factor the expectation that setbacks will occur into everything I do. It means whatever I want to do will just take a little longer and little more work to get there and that’s okay. That’s part of life.
Jupilings: What is your life motto-
KR: Action leads to success. Every little step forward will get me closer to where I want to be.
Click on the link provided for more information about www.psychcompany.com