8 Ways to Deal With Entitled Anger

Anger is a valid emotion, and it should be expressed not simmered nor irrationally misused. The crackling emotion should indicate the painful experience without an unhealthy sense of entitlement. Perhaps we are often challenged by hurtful incidents, injustice, negligence, wrongdoings, or any other reason that threatens our sense of self or the greater good, and probably it stirs up negative emotions in every tissue and cells of our body. Still, it does not justify mindless behavior that prevents us from deeply listening or implies us to make biased and flawed decisions with awful consequences.

Learning to tame the exaggerated anger even worse, the hostility that drives people away will help us live as a cooperative human being. Our social interactions will improve, and the reasonable individual in us outshines our reptilian brain. It takes plenty of self-awareness to express anger affectively, and maturely. And surely it does not happen overnight. Here are a few suggestions to reflect on:


Identify the primary motive behind your anger

  • Question the intensity – Reflect on the past situations when your anger got better of you. Was it fear, frustration, ego, guilt, shame, anxiety… that made you erupt like a volcano? Once you have the clarity of reason, examine your intentions to understand your behavior better when you are discharging your negative emotions.
  • Compressed or unaddressed anger can manifest in different ways; look for the signs: for instance, mean sarcasm, apathetic attitude, self-sabotaging by not responding to the opportunities, being annoyed by trivial things, having controlling or addictive behaviors, nervous habits, blowing out of proportion a minor incident, chronic fatigue.
  • Ask yourself, is the strong emotional outburst cascading the underlying reason of self-entitled mentality? Exhibiting self-pity, over-exaggerated sense of self-importance, uncompromising attitude, showing signs of frustration when others think differently, passive contempt, cynical, or absurdly critical outlook are typical indications of a self-entitled mindset.

How to curb your entitled anger

  • Learn about the core attitudes of mindfulness and practice them every single day.
  • Do not live in the past, one type or another; hardships are part of life. How you handle the past distressing experiences will influence your present and future. Transforming bitterness and resentment to understanding and generosity by permitting others and yourself to make mistakes is a good start.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others to take the edge off the self-entitled mindset. Focus on what you want to achieve and make a list of the steps you need to take to make them happen. The key is not to get discouraged; there will be setbacks, you will fall, but learn to rise and keep going.
  • Do things not for the reward but because it is the right thing to do. It is always nice to receive acknowledgment for a good deed; however, accept that life does not work that way, and your efforts might be undermined, unrecognized, or simply unrewarded.
  • Practice treating others with compassion and respect.
  • Be happy for others for their achievements. Celebrating other people’s success when you are facing adversity shows beyond doubt the strength of character. 
  • Learn to change – For instance: Join a group that their activity or point of views are unfamiliar to you. Spend time to help the less fortunate through volunteering.
  • While the idea to cultivate restraint is good, there may be times that we need some support. Hence, reaching out for professional help to tackle personal anger issues is a sensible approach.

Featured image by Carina Shoshtary

Silence Is Power

Silence is the preparation to understand the world around us. Of course, it all depends on how we use it.

  • An earnest silence nourishes the soul and enables awareness. It allows new thoughts to emerge as it stimulates a receptive mind.
  • An enthusiastic silence creates alertness and interest to hear and encourage clarification.
  • Silence brings calm and serenity with others and nature.
  • Silence is a way to doze, to resent, to rage, to be indifferent or detached.

Although there are many intents and purposes for silence, one cannot deny that it plays a vital role in creating something better, meaningful, and peaceful. In the creative world, from composers to writers and artists, silence is used to create a space to communicate ideas without agitation to enhance the experience and encourage comprehension.

Artwork by Michael Whelan

Maybe we should all contemplate the power of silence and how effectively we can communicate without rattling on.

Truly, we should all learn to dwell in silence to express our thoughts and engagement. Knowing that silence is one of the conditions within our power to control, this dynamic state must be part of our daily lives. Certainly, immersing in silence is not an easy task. There are many scenarios that we lose the capacity to be silent, in highly stressful situations, in serious discussions or even self-talk. However, the core understanding of the following statements can help us navigate our emotions and use silence to connect with our creative and strong self.

Silence to calm a situation

You don’t have to turn this into something. It doesn’t have to upset you.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.52

Engage in meaningful talk

“Be silent for the most part, or, if you speak, say only what is necessary and in a few words. Talk, but rarely, if the occasion calls you, but do not talk of ordinary things—of gladiators or horses races or athletes or of meats or drinks—these are topics that arise everywhere.”

Epictetus

As a stoic visualize the worst thing that can happen and champion you fears

“Silence is a lesson learned through life’s many sufferings.”

Seneca

You are in control 

“Remind yourself that your task is to be a good human being; remind yourself what nature demands of people. Then do it, without hesitation, and speak the truth as you see it. But with kindness. With humility. Without hypocrisy.”

Marcus Aurelius

The best answer to anger is silence

“Better to trip with the feet than the tongue.”

—Zeno

Stay humble

“Work hard in silence; let your success make the noise.”

– Frank Ocean

On a final note, be present, be conscious as Rumi said: “Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.”

 

Artwork from Chris Levine 

Anger Is Normal, Healthy & Human Emotion!

We all know that anger might not be a kind emotion, but it is part of living. The energy of anger oscillating from composure to blindness has been depicted in the arts, creating a visual experience of intense emotional responses. The following artworks portray passionate anger by different artists, arousing stimulating feelings from contempt to respect that profoundly helps us understand the exaggerated to righteous indignation.

  • Jesus ready to strike with clenched fist merchants, not honoring the place of worship and turning it to a place of profit. Christ’s anger was real, divinely justified, and human.

Giotto di Bondone – Expulsion of the Money-changers from the Temple, Scrovegni Chapel, Padua. 1304 – 1305

  • Anger can be morally right; the inner flame should not be restricted but should be shared intimately at a spiritual level to a higher self.

Giotto’s ‘Ira’

  • The story of Timoclea of Thebes, whose anger saved her after the captain of the Thracian army, raped her. The story goes that Timoclea tamed her inner rage with composure and calm when her rapist asked for any hidden money. She told him that there was money in her well. When the Thracian captain stooped to look into the well, she pushed him to his grave.

Sirani’s painting

A nude woman comes out of the well, angry, holding a whip in her hand. She represents a symbolic figure of Truth. It appears that she is about to strike when the Truth is not being tolerated; anger becomes her weapon of choice. Depiction of the aphorism of philosopher Democritus: “Of a truth, we know nothing, for truth is in a well.”

Painter Jean-Leon Gerome

The beheading of Holofernes, an Assyrian general by Judith is another example of female rage. The story goes that Holofernes was about to destroy Judith’s home, the city of Behulia. Judith’s anger is a symbol of an underdog being able to overpower a tyrant.

Artemisia Gentileschi

Pipilotti Rist, a Swiss visual artist, produced an original piece “Ever is over all”, in 1997, showcasing women liberation from the norms of “good behavior” imposed by society and her carefree attitude towards authority. She happily smashes the windows of each parked car she passes. A female officer passes by and salutes her vandalism. A piece that demonstrates self-fulfilling anger based on courage.

Pipilotti Rist

Anger is not always a destructive force, at times is the catalyst for change and a signal of resolution.

 

Featured image: Beyonce – Hold up video

How To Be Angry?

Anger is a tool that can help us navigate upsetting situations in life. It’s senseless to think that anger is the opposite of compassion since it can materialize from immediate threats, unwarranted optimism, excessive expectations, or social injustices. In fact, anger can fuel positive change when the intense emotions are based on altruism or call for self-development.

However, like any other tool, it should be used creatively with caution. It is difficult to restrict anger, but with practice in daily activities, whether lining up at the supermarket to delays in service deliveries, engrave in your mind that you have a choice to express your emotions through a sophisticated narrative and not in a fuming way. 

Art by Ania Tomicka

  • Recognize that when circumstances are out of your control, anger is not a smart choice
  • Employ “discomfort caveat” – let others know that that you are experiencing anger and potentially your actions might not be clear or even worse, they might be explosive. Apologize in advance. In this manner, the other person will become less defensive. 
  • Slow down to re-consider your response and evaluate whether your anger will help or hurt the situation. This way, you can make a sound decision rather than a fast one.
  • Provocation is inevitable in unfriendly cases, use speedometer technique. The process starts by creating a list of descriptive words that encapsulates your emotions in anger and assign a number to them. For instance:
    •  100 miles per hour explosive state 
    • 60 miles per hour a pissed off frame of mind
    • Ultimately to 30 miles per hour where you feel calm and collected. 

Of course, the intensity varies, so you should have at least 10-speed numbers and ten words summarizing the strength of your anger. If you feel way above your speed limit, then you need more time to slow down till you put on the brakes. Do not forget that creating a visual image reinforces your efforts to manage your anger. Remember, sometimes, no reaction buys time and gives you an upper hand. 

 

Featured image by War Graphics

Give Meaning To Your Life By Helping Others – Positive Vibes Series

No matter who we are, who we meet, or what we do, the truth is that a well-lived life is walking the path of service—a direction where kindness and helpful behavior becomes the most valuable part of our identity. No matter the struggles between our messy traits or our peculiarities, once we discover the benefits of practicing pro-social behavior, our path blossoms, become colorful and lively. Our inner-distortions becomes manageable and regulated. Equally, no matter which way our emotions whirl, they will eventually be guided by our inner compass, nurtured by generosity, pointing to empathy and helping others. No matter our distressful past experiences, no matter how difficult our situation, no matter how fragile our health might be, helping others can help us relieve stress, anxieties, and bitterness.

The next time you are resentful, you feel helpless, scared, or angry—practice altruism. Whatever the altruistic activity you choose to engage in, you will experience a state of flow, an emotional state that brings harmony to our conscious. A pleasurable experience that, at its core, embodies a goal and feedback.

Typically, this state of flow is achieved when you accomplish a rewarding and challenging task. “The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times . . . The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile” (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990). Csikszentmihalyi further elaborates: In the state of flow, we are so focused on the task at hand that everything else falls away. Action and awareness merge. Time flies. Self vanishes. Performance goes through the roof.”

There are many opportunities in life to expand our strengths and experience the concept of flow. No matter which path you take, your energy and attention in reaching a clear goal based on charitable intentions will enhance the experience that brings about this optimal state. Since the result encapsulates concrete feedback and inspiring reward. In other words, by helping others, we help ourselves since the effect of our concentration and fulfilling feedback lead us in a trance-like state. Naturally, we become a more level-headed individual. Also, helping others does not always translate into financial contributions. It is to develop a mindset that truly understands that our raison d’ être is for a higher purpose, to be of service in whatever capacity or contribute.

 

Featured image by Igor Morski

Smile, Laugh, Hug, Expect Good Sensibly & Be Kind – Positive Vibes Series

Here’s the shocking truth: very straightforward behaviors such as a smile, hug, and laughter are the fastest way to boost positive emotions, although, there is this huge BUT:  if you don’t feel the sensation do not force it.

Maurizio Cattelan

Nothing is worse than a hypocritical and soul scratching forced laughter that stems from bitterness, resentment, and sheer Janus-faced intention.  It is healthier to be expressive of your true emotions than masking your low spirits by a pretense that “I am a happy jolly person.” Obviously, at times, treating yourself to a necessary smile, laughter or a hug to inspire and encourage yourself or others to keep going is sensible and productive.

Nobody argues that hugging and laughing calm the nervous system, lowers your blood pressure, your stress hormone and positively increases your social connections. However, you should push yourself to aim high by taking conscious decisions to feel good inside. Sometimes, we are confronted with situations where something or someone has made us uncomfortable or annoyed. A fake smile is not the remedy but as Rene Descartes remarked: “Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it.”

Salvador Dali

Elevating your soul is not an easy task. How can you control your agitation? The way forward is to align your soul with gratitude, understanding and questioning your motive as well as others. No matter the intentions, being thick skin is not to put up with rude and unkind criticism. Of course, mastering such an outlook in life takes courage, as a very good friend of mine advised, either let it go and smile or confront it by keeping your tone light.  Like a feather, the feeling takes you to cloud nine, where you feel at ease, where your boundaries are outlined and expect good sensibly with a smile.

Naturally, not every day you can be forgiving, understanding, or want to hug or laugh, the road to self-growth is difficult but remember it is worth every step of the way. As long as you are present in your own life and manage difficult emotions like frustration, anger, and disappointment appropriately, you are on the right path. Occasionally, you feel enraged or sad, do not stifle it and let go of self-judgment. You should accept that being vulnerable is part of being human and maybe along the way, you have tied your self-esteem on things and other people to the extent that might bring the worse in you. It is healthy to pull back, replenish and learn to smile, laugh and hug so that next time they will spare your anxiety.

There is another rule when you are at odds and lack the capacity to express with civility, the ideal is to refuel by tapping into your empathy reserve and re-align your behavior in ways that reinforces your generous, gracious and thoughtful intentions. And what better ways to swell kindness and your noble motives but with a smile, a hug, laughter, and kindness.

How To Move Away from Blame Game and Take responsibility – Positive Vibes Series

Yes it is hard to accept change, yes you have been wounded, yes you have been ridiculed, yes you have cried your heart out from unjust, yes you have been let down, and yes you have been taken for granted.

Now, it is time to sanitize your thoughts, yes it is time to stop blaming yourself or others. 

Dylan Bolivar

It is time to change perspective and elevate your thinking to a place where the field is clear and no-one’s shadow or actions loom out of your whining and complaining mind. A place where you take responsibility to learn and move forward. This new outlook is like stepping into a hot shower after a long torturous physical labour. Tension is relieved, the aches are gone and you feel refreshed. 

Be aware that you cannot avoid getting emotionally hurt, wronged or exposed to natural disasters and by building high fences you would not be protected from future unwarranted or unforeseen circumstances instigated by outside forces.

On top of that, bear in mind that your commitment to growing in life means tossing away the self-evaluation infested with blame. The emotion is so debilitating to a point that you may even not see the quicksand that is pulling you brutally downward where you will cease to exist.

Johnson Tsang

Being a captain in your life’s command center needs a gigantic shift of mindset. An intelligent mind snaps out of victimhood, realizing that it needs to adjust the sails when the direction of the wind cannot be changed.

Captian Kirk – Start Trek

Even when the world seems to be against you, instead of getting stuck and hanging on to validation, move away from self-pity, sit back, take personal responsibility, observe, learn and find solutions. Taking responsibility is not to orbit in the realm of self-blame, but to take the following steps:

  • Do not set the destructive standard for yourself – In a difficult situation, do not personalize the issue by self-disparagement since many things that happened to you is not completely your lapse or shortcomings. 
  • Do not freeze up, make sense of the circumstance by asking fact-finding questions.
  • Develop resilience – the capability to learn and recover is dynamic and not a personality trait.

The benefits of shifting perspectives are boundless. Even if a nasty outcome unfolds from your decision, you will no longer confront it with blaming games. Rather, you choose to improve your own behaviour, reactions and your decision making progress so that next time you lessen the chances of it happening again. 

Learning from the past should positively transform your mindset. You start de-cluttering and evolving to be strong and dynamic. Still, unfortunate events bound to happen, anger, and resentment will slither and cloud your judgment steering your emotions towards victimhood and blame.

Nevertheless, if you have done your homework and every day took the time to self-reflect and practice, particularly learning to let go of what you cannot control and cultivating a non-judgmental attitude, next time in face of adversity, you decide, react and re-define the situation, then and only then you can progress. Remember keeping your zest for life upbeat is to have self-compassion and courage to trade helplessness with self-growth. 

Lastly, every time fear, worry or challenging situations lurk for your darkest moments, recognize that mistakes are natural so instead of stifling your potential just get back on the horse.

“Use your signature strengths and virtues in the service of something much larger than you are.” ~ Martin Seligman (2002, p. 263)

How To Control Your Anger?

Life has unpleasant incidents, and naturally, the pressures and pain felt from the troublesome problems or offensive behaviors often manifest through anger. An emotion that ramps up high blood pressure, stress, anxieties, and evoking hard feelings in relationships. The reasons behind this emotion depend on different situations, whether it is from being helpless to have been treated unjustly or overwhelmed and fearful. One form or another, anger is a response to pain. Still, pain is not the only reason; our thoughts, assumptions, or interpretations intensify emotion. As humans, we tend to have unrealistic and hopeful expectations, such as being understood by everyone, or everything will go as planned. Possibly our hopes shattered, and we are in for a rude awakening. This is when anger creeps in.

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Welderwings

Anger can also happen consciously or unconsciously to distract attention from the root cause of the pain and redirecting the focus to external factors. In this situation, the pain’s ease is temporary and leaves the person vulnerable to chronic emotional distress.

 

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Welderwings

Anger complicates situations. It gives the furious sense of righteousness and power a feeling of superiority without considering other perspectives. Regrettably, this perverse gratification of anger to stamp oneself as a torchbearer of moral supremacy league will use up the individual’s credibility. An uncomfortable situation commands assertiveness in response rather than aggressive behavior.

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Welderwings

 Nevertheless, anger can be used constructively once you gain insight into the reasons. In many ways, it can serve to be indeed in control of our reactions. To manage our anger in a difficult or unforeseen situation, practice three steps:

  • Shift your thoughts to a neutral state. Do no associate negative motives to the person or their action.
  • Observe and listen, do not lash out; it will make you look irrational.
  • Be assertive and specific in expressing your feelings and expectations without offending or undermining other people’s rights to think or act differently.

In a foggy situation, when we are at most vulnerable, a little anger is the antidote. Use it wisely. If we throw a tantrum, our emotions can cloud our judgment, and we can come across as unqualified or a pain to deal with. Assertively communicate what is at stake. Like a campaigner who believes in its cause and passionately points to the injustice, take command to tell your story with conviction and rally support.

 

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Rob Woodcox

Clearly, dealing with anger or angry people is not an easy task; as long as we know that arguments, displeasures, and sadness exist and we compassionately realize that there is a reason for them, solutions appear. He knew that everyone has vulnerabilities, and it takes sound judgment to look beyond unwarranted anger. The famous story about Alexander taming Bucephalus by noticing that the famous horse was afraid of his own shadow illustrates good practicing sense. He pointed Bucephalu’s nose towards the sun and calmed the beast.

 

Featured image by Shaylin Wallace