8 Ways to Deal With Entitled Anger

Anger is a valid emotion, and it should be expressed not simmered nor irrationally misused. The crackling emotion should indicate the painful experience without an unhealthy sense of entitlement. Perhaps we are often challenged by hurtful incidents, injustice, negligence, wrongdoings, or any other reason that threatens our sense of self or the greater good, and probably it stirs up negative emotions in every tissue and cells of our body. Still, it does not justify mindless behavior that prevents us from deeply listening or implies us to make biased and flawed decisions with awful consequences.

Learning to tame the exaggerated anger even worse, the hostility that drives people away will help us live as a cooperative human being. Our social interactions will improve, and the reasonable individual in us outshines our reptilian brain. It takes plenty of self-awareness to express anger affectively, and maturely. And surely it does not happen overnight. Here are a few suggestions to reflect on:


Identify the primary motive behind your anger

  • Question the intensity – Reflect on the past situations when your anger got better of you. Was it fear, frustration, ego, guilt, shame, anxiety… that made you erupt like a volcano? Once you have the clarity of reason, examine your intentions to understand your behavior better when you are discharging your negative emotions.
  • Compressed or unaddressed anger can manifest in different ways; look for the signs: for instance, mean sarcasm, apathetic attitude, self-sabotaging by not responding to the opportunities, being annoyed by trivial things, having controlling or addictive behaviors, nervous habits, blowing out of proportion a minor incident, chronic fatigue.
  • Ask yourself, is the strong emotional outburst cascading the underlying reason of self-entitled mentality? Exhibiting self-pity, over-exaggerated sense of self-importance, uncompromising attitude, showing signs of frustration when others think differently, passive contempt, cynical, or absurdly critical outlook are typical indications of a self-entitled mindset.

How to curb your entitled anger

  • Learn about the core attitudes of mindfulness and practice them every single day.
  • Do not live in the past, one type or another; hardships are part of life. How you handle the past distressing experiences will influence your present and future. Transforming bitterness and resentment to understanding and generosity by permitting others and yourself to make mistakes is a good start.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others to take the edge off the self-entitled mindset. Focus on what you want to achieve and make a list of the steps you need to take to make them happen. The key is not to get discouraged; there will be setbacks, you will fall, but learn to rise and keep going.
  • Do things not for the reward but because it is the right thing to do. It is always nice to receive acknowledgment for a good deed; however, accept that life does not work that way, and your efforts might be undermined, unrecognized, or simply unrewarded.
  • Practice treating others with compassion and respect.
  • Be happy for others for their achievements. Celebrating other people’s success when you are facing adversity shows beyond doubt the strength of character. 
  • Learn to change – For instance: Join a group that their activity or point of views are unfamiliar to you. Spend time to help the less fortunate through volunteering.
  • While the idea to cultivate restraint is good, there may be times that we need some support. Hence, reaching out for professional help to tackle personal anger issues is a sensible approach.

Featured image by Carina Shoshtary

Explore Your Ego – Positive Vibes Series

It would be helpful if every time you act upon your impulsive ego, a holographic screen appears in front of your eyes, which would shed light on “why” and outlines the motive! Or, perhaps, you go through an out of body experience to watch how you are entrapped in heedless and primitive impulses, which impel you to be helpless and act irrationally. Possibly, in the future, with the help of technology, you will be able to materialize such visual awareness. Till then, you might as well resort to certain practices that will push you to another level of existence, far beyond hopeless confusion.

First of all, let’s reflect on the sense of ego; whether delving into Eastern philosophy or psychoanalysis, both recognize that uncontrolled and impulsive ego will lead to suffering. 

Moving through different stages of ego to become the best version of yourself is not an easy path. The truth is that if you are lucky, life will sweep you through nasty havoc that will wound your self-identity and crush your image. A breakdown that can lead to a breakthrough by feeding the ideal self. Now, rising from the ashes is to take responsibility for your wellbeing. It starts with realizing that your thoughts are tainted by subjectivity and emotions since your mind has found security in the sense of belonging to the wrong structures, misinterpreted values, and egocentric pursuits.

While you are climbing up the spiral staircase of your spiritual evolution, I suggest you observe and question your motives, your triggers, contradictions, and practice the following transformational self-help:

  • Gain clarity by self-reflection and self-criticism – question your goal; if you feel uneasy about your reactions, cross-examine yourself to align your intent to your essence. Self-analysis is not about beating up oneself or agonizing but to understand the triggers, your role in the event, and blowing away the pollution so that the image of your intentions becomes sharp and transparent. The focus should be on you and not others.
  •  See yourself from another perspective – use abstract thinking to match your motives to your best possible self. That entails imagining your future “Self” in unpleasant circumstances only when channeling your energy to shield your best version. By setting unwavering rules to be of service to all, however, is possible and live as a human, your future “Self” releases toxic struggles and replace the void with contentment.
  • Question the expectations – step back and reassess your approach and your expectations and how they connect to the problem. By re-evaluating the expectations, you will recognize the difference whether they are conventional & reactionary or wise and tolerant.

Remember, you cannot fill the bowl with water if it is turned upside down. To be fully alive is to be well-disposed to “Self” and others. The key is to question your motives every time the destructive “Self”/ “ego” appears. Taking a volunteering leap to an inspired “Self” means using your knowledge, patiently, and for good. Have grit, as the journey is bumpy, and evidently, the spiral staircase will not get more comfortable. You will fall back a few steps, and you will be aware of your limitations. However, regardless of the hardships, this time, with conviction and a humbled “ego,” you know how to get up quickly and how to wipe up the dust. Finally, as you go further, you realize that gratitude and generosity are your mental tools to serve and use your power to benefit others so that you act like an intelligent being.

Featured image by Tom Roberts

The Book of RUMI, Interview with Maryam Mafi

If you — wandering Sufi — are looking for the supreme treasure, do not look outside. Look within, and seek that.”

We climb the mountains, dive deep into the oceans, fly high as an eagle, paint a moment in time, dance to the rhythms to stretch our mental and physical capabilities. We strive to overcome our demons, speak through our soul, pushing past our ego, and keep our spirits full of generosity and compassion. We develop our social interactions, doing our best to be noble and reach oneness with divine reality. Still, it happens that we stumble, and our mind creates illusions, wanders in the den of inequities, and searches externally for peace. As our brain is wired to cause and effect, just then, we look for anchor stories from the most excellent sage to rise above the stagnation.

Delving in the Book of Rumi, translated by Maryam Mafi, is a new collection of 105 Stories and Fables that Illuminate, delight, and information from the six-volume spiritual epic, The Masnavi. Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Balkhī, known as Rumi, was a 13th Century Iranian poet, juristIslamic scholartheologian, and Sufi mystic originally from Greater Khorasan. The book is an invariably transcendental gift that tames the ego, explores understanding, heals the brokenhearted, gives hope, and inspires unity and unconditional love.

Maryam Mafi, an Iranian author, translator, and expert on Rumi, dazzles with didactic and entertaining well-known stories of Rumi that capture his mystic wisdom. She has skillfully preserved the exciting and dramatic integrity of Masnavi, which, still in the 21st century, resonates with our personal experiences and evokes courage to reach agape love. Maryam Mafi, a graduate of Tufts, American and Georgetown Universities, is tirelessly on the mission to acquaint the west with Eastern literature.

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Interview with Maryam Mafi

Jupilings: What attracted you to Rumi, to begin with-

MM: I came across a book on Rumi by an English scholar called, The Way of Passion; and I was set on fire! I felt as if all my questions about spirituality and life, in general, were finally explained to me in the simplest, most eloquent manner.

Jupilings: Rumi’s masterwork “Masnavi”, how does it impact our modern lives-

MM: The Masnavi is often referred to as the Persian Quran. We can learn unrivalled guidance from Rumi in his Masnavi, ageless insights into how to live our lives more honestly and with integrity, even in these times of extreme conflict and mistrust.

Jupilings: What was the biggest challenge when translating “Masnavi”-

MM: Comprehending the original Sufi concepts.

Jupilings: What does Rumi celebrate

MM: Beyond all- Love.

Jupilings: What are Rumi’s views on women-

MM: He has great respect for women and considers them no less than men.

Jupilings: What does spirituality mean to you

MM: Love.

Jupilings: Please walk us through the process of literary translation, (how do you choose a book,…)- 

MM: Well, I’ve been translating Rumi for the past 20 years so I can tell you about how I choose a poem or a story. Generally, I pick the pieces instinctively, or they’re all-time favourites; like the stories in my latest book, “The Book of Rumi”, which I’ve translated into prose and will be available on Amazon in December. If I need to organise the works under various headings or chapters, I sort them out afterwards not before I translate them. Other translators probably do it the other way round; the rational way! I go with my heart!

Jupilings: Three tips to work with publishers-

MM: I feel blessed that so far my publishers have always come to me. I used to work for a publisher when I finished university so I’m familiar with the other side of the spectrum and it can be quite daunting for writers. You could begin by writing to every single publisher who publishes books like the one you have written and hope one of them replies. It’s a similar process for finding a job. These days though, self-publishing is very popular and often great books are picked from amongst them and published later by publishing companies.

Jupilings: Do you have a daily ritual when you are working on a book-

MM: Yes, I start work first thing in the morning; often after a yoga and meditation practice. I don’t like to break my day, so I work straight through often missing lunch. I might go for a long walk if I feel stuck or just to get some movement in my body. I don’t work late at night anymore because my eyes get too tired from the screen.

Jupilings: Tips on personal branding as a literary translator-

MM: I’m the worst person to answer this question, I only work on material I like and have been dedicated to translating my spiritual master, Rumi; and hopefully other Sufi masters in the future. So I wouldn’t call that commercially branding myself successfully!

Jupilings: What does women empowerment mean to you- 

MM:  Trusting our instincts and our intellects; but above all, trusting our hearts.

Jupilings: What do you do to conquer fear or self-doubt:

MM: I think fear and self-doubt are two playful little monkeys who love to play with our egos because they’re cut from the same cloth. As long as we know who they are and what they represent we can negotiate with them. I like to think that they’ll eventually leave us alone at one point in our lives and find better entertainment.

Jupilings: What is your life motto-

MM:  I like to say: ‘This too shall pass,’ and adhere to it every time I come across a difficulty. However, I think it’s more complicated than that. I tend to think the old fashion way, that we have a moral obligation to do our absolute best physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually, to help another human being, in whatever capacity, when we are in a position to do so.
Also, I do sincerely believe that when you do good, eventually at some point good shall be done to you. The cliché of what goes around comes around may sound simple, but it’s one of the most valuable basic truths of life.

Maryam Mafi’s collection of Rumi translations are available on Amazon