Your Flaws are beautiful! Positive Vibes Series: Self-Acceptance

Accepting all facets of yourself elevates you to a higher level of your being. When you recognize your weaknesses, you shift towards a mindset that thrives from a position of strength. Imagine in a job interview where you are focused on pointing out your best qualities, skill sets, and ambitions, and as soon as the question of listing your weaknesses is raised, you are quick to hush it up. How? Either by changing the subject swiftly or by expressing your enthusiasm to acquire the required skill.

Regardless of which response you choose, you have to realize that self-acceptance is free of any qualification. It happens when you are deeply connected to your true self, and you are aware that your passion, your inadequacies, your resolve, or shortcomings are part of you. Just by spicing up your self-perception with a little bit of encouragement and a mindset keen to learn from mistakes, you will stamp the sign of self-acceptance on your résumé. Without it, your mental state will suffer, and most probably, all the actions taken to improve the side effects will be less helpful.

In particular, if you feel anxious or stressed from a flaw in your character, all kinds of practices to reduce the unwanted emotions will be quick to fade from lack of self-acceptance. All the negative self-talk and thoughts will limit the gray matter in your brain region, which helps control your emotions and stress. The more you feel bad about yourself, more stress signals disrupt your emotional wellbeing.

How to strengthen self-acceptance

  • Reframe the negative criticism and change the narrative by refocusing on the positive aspects of yourself.
  • Control your state of mind by being self-aware. For instance, when you feel bitter, observe that your focus is evaluating your emotions based on your triggered feelings. This approach is misleading. Move away from how you think and assess the feeling based on your values before you react or retaliate.
  • Practice self-transcendence – Lack of self-acceptance is often beyond your conscious control. For example, the intentional process of forgiveness, whether oneself or another, has lots of roundabouts, water puddles, and intersections. The path is confusing since you can either choose the clear road so that you can keep going without wasting time or get to the other jammed packed lane, hampered by the gridlock, and be miserable. The first step is to accept that the two lanes exist side by side. The same acknowledgment should be extended to different facets of your character. In such a situation, self-transcendence is constructive. This positive trait aims to create awareness and unity with oneself, which in turn reduces stress and anxiety.

Taking a step to look inward and rely more on your values rather than identify your being with things outside of yourself reframes your self-perception. For instance, transcendental meditation or connecting at a deeper level by contribution to a venture or a community de-clutters your mind of unnecessary and negative energies. At the heart of all your practices, unity is your guide. Adhering to a higher purpose, confronting your fears, staying positive are the extensive attempts to reach self-acceptance.

 

Featured image by Durmoosh

How To Control Yourself When Your Emotions Get The Best Of You!

Have you recently sat down and unpacked your thoughts and asked yourself: what are the things you repeatedly do that keep you from reaching your potential?

Why this question? Because how you live your life matters. How you deal with your emotions matter. For most of your life, you acquire knowledge to have a point, to set goals, and lead a meaningful life. You probe into your conscious and allow your intelligence to guide you constructively. You tap into skills & capabilities nested in you due to your education, experience, and privileges in life with its triumph and setbacks.

If your perspective is that the world is in progress, you are a firm believer in growth and advancement. Indeed, this point of view starts with self-progress. A mindset that understands positive thinking is about emotional agility and not avoidance. We all hear disturbing news, and every day there is a painful event happening in one part of the world. However, the reality is that evolutionary progress is taking place, and we are moving forward.

So, next time your enthusiasm is ebbing away, or you feel stressed, sit down to investigate your inner feelings and thoughts. Make sure to remind yourself of the dynamic of your emotions and your ability to wean off the habit of instant gratification with mindfulness techniques. (You can refer to the mindfulness series to learn about the foundations of practice).

Few points to think about:

  • Recognize the emotions you are facing
  • Label them – Upset, fear, anger…
  • Understand that you can step out of the unpleasant situation to gain control and re-energize
  • Negotiate with yourself on how to express your feelings, whether is anger or worry, at the right time and in what dosage
  • Re-orient yourself. This process entails deciding to act in a way that is in harmony with your rational self & values.
  • Align your behavior with your goal and detach your intention from ego
  • Use your imagination for the best outcome.

It is crucial to control your emotions before taking any initiative as your best judgment is unavailable when you are boiling with anger or scared.

Remember that you choose a path of stagnation that will lead to depression or the sweet sake of manifesting yourself congruently with your potentials and powerful, capable self.

 

Featured image by Rodney Smith.

 

 

 

Stop Judging – Take Back Your Power! Foundation of Mindfulness #1

At times, we form an opinion or conclude, deliberately or otherwise, only to find out that the story in our head is polluted. By judging, we work hard to build a wall and to protect ourselves and live securely. The problem with this stance in life is that it often prevents us from making meaningful and genuine connections with oneself and others. Although judging is an instinct, you can be aware of it and control your impulses. When you adopt a mindful outlook, you embark on the intelligence and wisdom track. The non-judging approach is the protective gear that will support you against unsound decisions and irrational reactions in life. Releasing judgment is stepping over self-made barriers to see and grasp “things as they are.”

Todd Schorr Art
Todd Schorr Art

The myths and sensationalized stories are good examples of our preconceived judgments. Overall, the side effects of judgments such as fear or condemning bad and good categories in our mental descriptions create prejudices, biases, and stress. The habit of categorizing is useful for filing systems, but when it comes to our life relations and connections at times, it limits our perspective and growth.

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Todd Schorr Art

How to remove the obstructive judgemental attitude? 

  • Be mindful- Recognize the judgments that unfold whether you are performing a task or when you are in fight-flight mode. Observe how your mind describes the situation: as mundane, suspicious, energetic, or any other attribute that influences your behavior or reaction to that particular circumstance. For instance, to observe our judgemental mind, practice breathing. Set a time and start paying attention to your breath, and indeed, your oblivious mind will begin harassing you by labeling your practice as boring. Basically, the approach is not to suppress your judgment but to be aware of it.
  • Don’t take it personally – I remember that when our son started high-school, the amazing principal recommended that as the parents of young teenagers, do not take their withdrawn behavior and uncommunicative reactions personally. Instead, be continuously loving, caring, and have a set framework of rules. Don’t snoop; they will eventually talk to you and tell you all about their adventure but on their own time. It was great advice, one that kept the peace. Or, as adults, it happens that you will encounter disagreements. As long as you remember that the conflict is not about you, it helps to detach the “me” connection and give others the benefit of the doubt.
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    Todd Schorr Art
  • rame – This approach is about not changing the facts but having an open mind to recognize that people have different ways of doing things or different perspectives. Instead of getting angry or miserable, channel your energy to pause and reflect. The challenge is to dive underneath the anger, and your oxygen tank is your ability to reframe. With regular practice, the efforts to reframe a situation become a habit, immensely rewarding, especially when you encounter setbacks. Reframing a problematic situation or dire circumstance allows you to transform the problems into possibilities and remain healthy, composed with a positive mindset.

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    Todd Schorr Art
  • Self-reflection – As soon as you start judging, try to ask yourself whether you have had the same or similar behaviour.

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    Todd Schorr Art
  • Don’t blame yourself or others- As much as the blame game is an easy defense mechanism, indeed, it is unproductive and unpleasant. The tendency to distort our self-esteem with blame is inept. Instead, see things as they are, and break away from blaming yourself or others. Again reframe the situation, replace words such as should to could or losses to learning experiences to make a pathway for much better opportunities.
  • Be a friend to yourself – Connect with your strength, intelligence, and love yourself. Dismiss negative thoughts and destructive criticism. When you stop judging, you will distance yourself from gauging others and assume an impartial approach in life. One that helps with mastering your mind.
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Todd Schorr Art

Featured image by: Todd Schorr

Trust – Foundation of Mindfulness # 4

“In practising mindfulness, you are practising taking responsibility for being yourself and learning to listen to and trust your own being.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn

In a world full of endless choices and challenges, self-doubt is the non-stop humming in the background. The overwhelming feeling from the incoming mixed messages in our head is confusing and debilitating, and exhausting. Feeling stuck or lost happens when our brain cannot make sense of the outside information or process the internal feeling associated with the new context.

Our capacity to feel confident and make decisions based on our authentic self is to shield our brain from the bombardment of mixed messages from the outside world and the numbing of our useless tweets in our head.

It is possible to learn how to trust yourself and start making decisions, yet; you have to accept that emotional vulnerability is part of the formula. Growth and transformation are not possible without the willingness to be exposed to discomfort and anxiety.

You can cultivate trust by shifting your attention from external and pointing it towards yourself. Paying attention to your emotions, experiences, and thoughts with a nonjudgmental attitude builds confidence in yourself and your potential. Gradually, you realize that all the incapacitating walls you have built over the years to defend yourself against challenges are not that daunting. As you learn to trust your inner resources, you grow confidence in your strength, and the threats weaken in whatever might come up.

Ways to increase self-trust

  • Be aware of your thoughts and feelings as much as you are focused on what you are doing – Whenever doubt creeps in, retreat, contemplate and identify the source of the emotions. Do not reject or judge your feelings; being uncertain means that you don’t have enough knowledge. This insight gives you the clarity to charge ahead and learn.
  • Be conscious of signals from your physical body, cravings, pain, or pleasure. As your body continues to perform its function, such as breathing or blood circulation, the concept of trust moves from perception to reality. An abstract idea manifests in the form of a physical system. This realization gives you no reason to doubt your capacity.
  • Make a list of all the qualities you like about yourself. Once you become aware of all your capabilities and virtues, you have created an intimate relationship with your trustworthy self. Rationally, when you are competent, reliable, and sincere, there is no reason not to trust yourself.
  • Recognize those poor choices you have made in the past that do not define your nor set in stone your path and destiny.
  •  Respect your feelings as much as you respect others.
  • Express your views and give input when you do have an opinion.

Like anything, you can establish an intellectual trust with yourself by setting the intention, paying attention and practice. For more information, please refer to mindfulness meditation by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

 

 

Take Free Character Test To Build on Your Strength

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” Lao Tzu

The concept of building on your character strengths is compelling as; naturally, it has a practical impact on your thought process, your experiences, and your actions. Mainly, the idea is to stop thinking about what is wrong with you or your problems and all the opposing views of oneself and concentrate on your best qualities.

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Igor Morski artwork

“The aim of Positive Psychology is to catalyze a change in Psychology from a preoccupation only with repairing the worst things in life to also building the best qualities in life.”  – Martin Seligman

Exerting mindful energy to change the gloomy, critical lens about yourself and shifting the view towards your positive qualities is a buffer against anxiety, lack of motivation, the need for approval, or perfectionism. What makes us effective is our ability to master our strength, a positive mind stimulus leading to a fulfilling life that contributes to our wellbeing.

What makes us strong are the qualities that show high moral standards; in other words, “virtues.” In Character Strengths and Virtues, Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology and Christopher Peterson, identifies six classes of virtues shared practically in all cultures that made up 24 measurable dimensions of human strengths, based on scientific research and by extensive studies on all major religions and philosophical traditions:

Wisdom and Knowledge: creativity, curiosity, love of learning, perspective

Courage: bravery, persistence, integrity

Humanity: love, kindness, social intelligence

Justice: citizenship, fairness, leadership

Temperance: forgiveness and mercy, humility, prudence, self-control

Transcendence: an appreciation of beauty & excellence, gratitude, hope, humor, spirituality

Developing the core capacities of human beings achieved by the virtues mentioned above helps individuals maintain their wellbeing and live an accomplished life. To apply this concept, the positive psychology researchers have created tools and tests in a practical and rigorous scientific manner to identify the strengths of character measured by their virtues. The aim is to recognize your signature strength and practice it in new ways each day. For example, if your highest strength is creativity, each day you practice different ways to be creative, whether in introducing yourself, blending creativity in your appearance, learning about a creative person, and so forth.

 

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Igor Morski artwork

At the core of every individual lies specific character strengths that once honed solidly boost self-confidence gives a sense of direction and the drive to achieve goals. However, innate talent is not enough to ensure a successful result. The ability to improve and play on your strengths while skillfully discern when, how, and in what context your best qualities can amplify productivity and growth is the key to success.

As you focus on improving your good character traits, positive emotions will take shape. This optimistic element encourages tenacity and helps to cope with your vulnerabilities and challenges. You can learn more about your character strengths for free on www.viacharacter.org. The VIA Institute on Character is a non-profit organization based in Cincinnati, Ohio, dedicated to bringing the science of character strengths to the world by supporting research, creating and validating character development surveys, and developing practical tools for individuals and practitioners.

“Positive Psychology takes you through the countryside of pleasure and gratification, up into the high country of strength and virtue, and finally to the peaks of lasting fulfilment: meaning and purpose (Seligman 2002, p. 61).”

It is worth mentioning that we have a social responsibility for the benefit of society and our individual lives to engage, be useful, and lead a meaningful life. To fulfill this obligation, two of the fundamental elements that reinforce the wellness of our state of mind and enrich our life and life for others are to cultivate our strengths powered by optimism.

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Igor Morski artwork

How to Create Your Ideal Lifestyle

Believe in your heart that you’re meant to live a life full of passion, purpose, magic and miracles.”

Living your ideal lifestyle involves how you feed your personality traits and tendencies. Are you nurturing your positive disposition in life or shifting towards negativity? What are your world-views or how do you perceive your self-image? Prior to answering these questions, we must understand that there is a clear distinction between our responses to certain situation which will dictate our moods or emotions and our dispositional affect. Which translates into personality traits. Bear in mind that the intensity of our emotions is directly related to our mentality.

Ulysse Nardine
Ulysse Nardine

Individuals who have tendencies towards positive attitudes are innovative and creative. They will make better decisions in dealing with important situations or negotiate in a cooperative state of mind. Having an optimistic view is not to be mindless of dangers or uncertainties but to plan efficiently and be willing to be flexible in one’s activities.

Bathke Bespoke
Bathke Bespoke

There is no influence like the influence of habit

The energy you inject into your mental focus steer your direction in life. To increase the likelihood of achieving your goals, you need to squash the unproductive thoughts and habits. By practicing awareness you can catch the negativity monster and toss it out of your mind. Figuratively speaking create an image of the unwanted thought as the most despicable entity and breathe it out of your system. Or as once a spiritual Master in a Buddhist Temple advised, close your eyes, imagine a divine or a peaceful source that generates red light unto you. Inhale the light through your nose deep into your being and exhale the black smoke out of your mouth. Repeat nine times and then change the colour of the red light to an angelic hue while you continue your breathing exercise.

NEW CONTINENTAL GT - Bentley Motors
NEW CONTINENTAL GT – Bentley Motors

Replacing habits that impede your progress towards your desired lifestyle can be replaced by vibrant and useful traits. Reminding yourself about the purpose of your endeavour, breaking down the general statement of change in patterns of behaviour to specific and practical actions or conducts, strengthens your efforts to reach your goals.

Italian artist Millo Mural Painting
Italian artist Millo Mural Painting

The Universe is change, our life is what our thoughts make it. Marcus Aurelius

Ultimate Boardroom in the Sky - Boeing (AV Planners)
Ultimate Boardroom in the Sky – Boeing (AV Planners)

An architect has a vision and a goal. He investigates, sketches, designs, includes details, develops, considers support team and tools, administers and observes the process to completion. Just like an architect, our abstract or concrete hopes and lifestyle are attainable if we consciously attract what we want and positively take part in polishing our behaviours to shine.

Ultimately,  progress and self-development is never-ending and that is why life is worth living in Style!

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